Oh My Buddah

After a 15 hour train ride from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, half a night in a cinder block cell, a 7 hour flight from Bangkok to Japan, some time killed in Tokyo, 10 hours on a plane from Tokyo to San Francisco, five terrifying boxed meals and 6 Dramamine, I arrived back in America.
So to clear it up, yes, I just got back to San Francisco, California, USA.
I'll lay it out honestly. I am completely freaked out about assimilating back into America. Returning home from abroad in the past has not presented such a stressful reaction nor have I taken more than a day to get back on schedule. Presently, it is the most laborious act to keep my eyes open through the day and keep them shut through the night. Night is day and day is night and I'm all confused. Moreover, culture shock is heavier than I thought. Fighting my instinct to hole up and become a hermit in protest of my "new" surroundings, I eased my way into a grocery store today. Panic. Sensory overload abounded and I stumbled through the check-out procedure. Weigh my bag of mangoes or give it to the check-out clerk? Add them up myself or allow him the honor? In the end, that's all I got: mangoes. Anything else was stretching my ability to be in public.
Let me say that I did not drive myself to said grocery store. I am lucky to have family around me. The thought of driving an enclosed vehicle on the right side of the road does not currently seem possible. Whilst a passenger in the front seat, I craned my head out the window since being confined while driving was unfamiliar.
Next up was dinner at an Italian restaurant. I used to love Italian food; I lived in Italy for shit's sake. Suddenly, however, every single item on the menu seemed in desperate need of chili or curry. Single portions seemed fit for three and I had to fight the desire to ask to see the vessel from which my drinking water came.
Being gone for about a year didn't seem like it would hinder me so much upon return. I thought at first I was allowing myself to exaggerate, but Jon is cycling through the same experience. Maybe it's because Southeast Asia is nearing as far from American culture as you can get. I'm not sure.
On the same token, however, there are the perks. I think some of my narcolepsy stems from the luxurious comforts of a real bed. Springs and comforters have never been so appreciated. Neither have toilets or showers.
Nevertheless, I'm planning on taking one day at a time while weening myself off the sweats and wool socks I have adopted to combat this harsh 60 degree weather. If you're interested, I'll keep you posted on the assimilation.

Blessed

I'm in Chiang Mai. The past two weeks have been a whirlwind and it seems harder and harder to remember what day it is.
Among the many awe inspiring visits to Buddhist temples and sites of overwhelming historical significance, Jon and I made it up to Wat Doi Sutep the other day after a 30 minute motrobike ride up a mountain and a staggering 360 steps. While wandering around the Chedi and the adjacent temples, we passed a small room where a monk waved us in. Entering, we kneeled in front of him and Wai'd as he proceeded to bless us with water and a white cloth bracelet for each of our wrists. Despite not understanding all his words, it was the most amazing experience. Similar to the night in Takuapa back in October when we were invited into the temple with the mediums and welcomed over the Bridge of Purification, but even more personal and mind blowing.
On a different note, it's Monsoon season again. Doesn't it seem like it just ended? Time flies. Roads are flooding and our entire journey down from Wat Doi Sutep was accompanied by persistent rain. In between showers we've been able to visit an Antivenum Institute in Bangkok where they milk cobras and other venomous snakes for antivenums, peruse assortment after assortment of fried insects, lose to a group of children at a game in a park that we didn't understand but laughed our way through, talk to curious monks in broken Thai and English, and of course, clench our eyes and jaws for the duration of all tuk tuk rides. And in a very unexpected event, I ate a bagel. Ah, bagels. What a surprise.
I've posted a map of Thailand on this page as well as a ton of new pictures on http://community.webshots.com/user/absinth143. Phuket, in the south, is where I was living and Khao Lak, a bit north of Phuket, is where I did Tsunami Relief. Bangkok is pretty central, and Chiang Mai is up north quite a bit. The overnight train (15 hours) was surprisingly fun.
Going for a Singha.

List #1 and Pictures

First, I've posted a bunch of new pictures.
http://community.webshots.com/user/absinth143
And now, what I've come up with thus far...

Things I’ll miss about T-Land:
Driving a motorbike, Singha beer at only $0.75 a bottle, sticky rice and mango with coconut milk, Friday nights at Yoon’s, the $4 Thai massage (and I don’t mean the ‘rub and tug’), green curry at Banana Corner (minus the whores who serve it), “Mai Pen Rai,” fisherman pants and all the freedom associated therewith, feeding ravenous elephants, His Majesty the King, public nose picking (though I tried and couldn’t really get into it), filling up the gas tank with a bottle of gas that used to be filled with whiskey, catooeys (ladyboys) either pre or post-op, dominoes on the porch (and dominating), bootlegged DVDs, hiking to waterfalls and swimming, outdoor markets, the Chinese vegetarian buffet for $0.50, the mango and banana trees right outside my house, Foxy Girl, the monkeys at Kok Chang (especially Charlie), never wearing shoes, Soi dogs, the sky at dusk during monsoon season, Jon’s butt crack at the beach, lemon shakes with no salt, the “Wai,” self-medicating pharmacies, the refreshing lack of mindless puppets- I mean Republicans, two serious cops riding intimately on a one-person motorbike, comparing Thai Tattoos, street vendors (despite their utter disregard for anything related to hygiene), monks scurrying down the roads, chili sauce on everything, honking for spirit houses, and the obvious: the beach, the weather (at times), the wildlife and the jungles.

Things I probably won’t miss about T’Land:
Driving a motorbike (specifically: no traffic laws, no lanes, no speed limit, often times no roads… and accidents), cement holes in the ground that function as toilets, leaches, roosters (dear god I hate them, and I vow to never have anything but ill will towards them), the hose in the wall above the “toilet” that is used as a “shower,” cobras, electricity that is so charged that the power lines buzz and you shock yourself on anything that uses it, tourists (especially Scandinavians), gecko shit falling from the ceiling of your house like rain, waking up in the morning to sweat-drenched sheets and/or sleeping with bags of ice to cool the painful heat, thoughtless urban spread, the sex trade and all the sickening old farts associated with it, fish sauce that goes in everything (and is made from none other than fermented fish skeleton juice), people ringing “the bell” at the bar when they’re full of shit, or even worse, they’re not full of shit and you have to take the trademark “Sunshine Shot” that tastes like mentholated crack, bargirls groping my boyfriend, things that should be sweet that are instead salty (i.e. lemonade) and things that should be salty that are instead sweet (i.e. garlic bread), the smell of burning trash in the morning… and afternoon…and night, Bangla Road, “Kaaaaaa,” visa runs to Burma, instant coffee.

Things I won’t take for granted in America:
Drinkable water, a mattress with springs, toilets and toilet paper, a real shower with an allotted space, shower curtain/door and shower head, a sandwich, English (yes, I admit it), discrete prostitution, new music since my iPod is so overplayed I want to piss on it, red wine, internet at my fingertips, tampons (T.M.I.? At least I’m not getting graphic), regulated voltages, coffee, vehicle safety for children.

Spooning and Dripping and Leaches

This week our friends Debbie and Eric are going to Cambodia for a visit. This means that Jon and I have the honor of house sitting their two dogs, Maddie and Pippa, which means it will be four in a bed since these dogs like to snuggle (I'm talking sharing my pillow and spooning). Pretty excited. After that, Jon and I have packed up all our stuff and we are heading up to Chaing Mai, Pai and Bangkok. I know I said in my last post that you should stay away from Bangkok, but we are only going for a few days and we know to be cautious. Its going to be interesting; we have several 10-12 hour train rides ahead of us, but luckily we are going for the sleeper cars. Anyway, there's a lot to see and so we've decided to try to conquer most of the country during our travels.
It will also be nice to get away since rainy season is coming early, meaning an unwelcome visit from leaches in the house. These annoy me more than other critters, as we have a spider larger than my open hand living with us. He's become friendly, sharing our bedroom; he does his thing, we do ours.
However, despite the sporadically early rain, this is still the hottest month of the year in Thailand. Thus, the bizarrely interactive holiday, Songkran, is only a week away. For one week, there is no hope- none- of remaining even remotely dry as the whole country erupts in a torrent of water- dousing every single person they see with hoses, buckets and super-soakers. It doesn't matter who you are or where you are, you will not be able to take one step out of your house without instantly becoming drenched. Of course, as is tradition, we will be dousing back. For a glimpse, I know that the movie, The Beach, starts out with a scene of Songkran.
So after dripping water off our clothes and skin and hair for a week straight, both here and up north, and travelling through the country for a while...
I'm making it back to the States. A couple months short of a year's stay in Thailand, but with all the turmoil I think it's about time to go. It's odd, I think, I've made this country my home. But almost everyone I care about here is heading out. So it's time to assimilate back into America. I'll post more on how I'm feeling about this soon.

Chaos

It's been a while since I posted. Is anyone still out there?
This has been a bumpy month. A few weeks ago, Jon had a friend from out of town come to visit from India, where he was volunteering at an AIDS clinic. Not coming from America with dollars, we let him stay in our bed and went to stay at a friend's. A few day's into his stay, he decided to rent a motorbike since that's the only way to get around here. Just as soon, he got in a pretty nasty accident, tearing up his stomach and arms. In a lot of pain, but refusing to go to the hospital, that night he took a sleeping pill to help him sleep.
The next morning, Jon and I got a phone call informing us that the house had been robbed. Since this is Thailand and admittedly not the safest of places, all windows-wherever you go- have bars over them. The burglars, however, carefully and patiently removed the screws of all the bars to the window and entered the house without waking Jaimi. Creeping into the bedroom where he was sleeping, they took the following: 2 ipods, 2 digital cameras, clothes, a backpack, a tapestry and a laptop. The most terrifying thing about it is that since the people who broke in knew someone was home (there was a bike out front and they obviously saw him in the bed), they were most likely armed and ready if Jaimi were to wake up.
In the end, Jon (who lost the most) says it's only material things. He's right, but it doesn't change the feeling of being violated.
In more national news, it's an "interesting" time to be in Thailand. Since the Thai government is exceedingly successful at suppressing news coverage, the little that the international media is broadcasting is not all that is going on. So for a brief glimpse, here's the latest:
The Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra, is a terrible, corrupt official. He's basically a dick. (I can say that about Thaksin, but if I were to refer to the King as such, I would go to jail. But I like the King, anyway). His term has been filled with corporate filth and illegal transactions. Kind of like Bush, but even worse (if you can imagine)... or maybe Thaksin is just worse at covering up. Anyway, the political turmoil has come to a head and the three political parties in Thailand are fueling more and more anger. The protests and rallies in Bangkok are relentless- all day and all night- every single day. The majority are demanding that he step down from office, but he is refusing, saying that if this continues he will put the country in a State of Emergency.
That's a little bit of what's going on, but what I can say is if you're thinking of going to Bangkok right now (which I doubt many of you are), don't.
Anyway, that's enough of that. It's hot as balls here.

Hardly Model Behavior

Last week I went to review a spa for the magazine. While interviewing the manager, she stopped abruptly and dragged me into the following dialogue:
“I like your face… you have the body…”
“…What…?”
“Would you want to model for our new spa campaign?”
“…What…?” (Thinking to myself, ‘You’re crazy, lady…’)
You can fill in the rest. Bottom line, I was talked into this tomfoolery with the agreement that the pictures would also be used in the magazine and therefore we wouldn’t have to purchase their personal photos for the review. So I, the least likely model that I know, subsequently entered into a four hour photo shoot- looking ridiculous all the while- and posed uncomfortably in pools of rose pedals and intimidating massage chambers. Five attendants on hand- not to mention those poor souls who had the task of conquering my hair and applying makeup- were needed to get my horrified face into a smile.
In the end, they were somehow pleased with the pictures and have decided to use them on giant posters and booklets and god knows what else. The thing about it is- this is a huge spa not limited to Thailand. It’s all over Asia- China, Japan, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia- you name it. My inapt face will be all over this side of the world looking like a tool in a pool of rose pedals.
Oh, the tangled webs we weave.

Sea Gypsy Village

 

Stupid, Cobra

I choked on my own saliva today.
Why? Stina- my dear, loopy Stina- booked her ticket to visit me in Thailand.
In contrast, however, yesterday I had an encounter with someone of whom I am a little less fond. Driving to work, I ran over the tail of a Cobra, who was trying (in vain, I might add) to cross the road. Stunned, I looked back- it was still alive and slithering- but dared not get close enough for it to prove its condition further. We’re warned about these fuckers all the time, but nonchalantly crossing a busy road?
(Segue)
On Sunday, Jon and I reviewed a Junk Boat in Phang Nga. The picture above is the one on which we traveled. Loaded on Dramamine, we made it to a few islands and a sea gypsy village, while managing not to ralph. The Junk Boat is a pretty staggering sight, in my opinion; infinitely better than a speedboat.
Come Monday, I had an appointment to interview and schedule a review date with a helicopter company, and got an unexpected trial ride around the island. Unless I was too young (or drugged on Dramamine to remember), this was my first stint one of these contraptions. They let us keep the side door open for a better view… who knew that was allowed? Pretty sweet, though. In a few days I’ll get to spend more time in it for the actual review, so I’ll let you know how it goes.
I finally posted a lot more pictures.
p.s. Lauren... cut me some slack. You know how I feel about marriage!
And Bartberger... I would love to visit you in Japan, and you know you are welcome to stay with me Thailand whenever!
Pastey, get back to work.

 

Phase Three

I’m an introvert- that’s not debatable. When it comes down to it, I need a lot of alone time and plenty of space to think. So, for those of you who know this about me, here’s a head trip: Jon and I are moving in together. Alison is going back to the states in March, so Jon and I are starting to look for a house. He thinks I’m OCD and I think he smokes too much; he hates my pickle addiction and I wish he would stop sweating through the sheets, but I’m more than sure about doing this.
Going with the theme of change, the school year is almost over and I’ve decided to take a full-time job at the magazine, meaning I will not only be a writer, but an editor as well. Working for a travel magazine is always something I kind of fantasized about, but never thought to actually try, so I’m pretty stoked about the chance to do it- at least at this stage in my life. I’m going to miss my students like hell, but with the year ending, I feel this is a good time to try something new.
With all the changes, I’ve also decided to finally start volunteering for the Soi Dog Foundation, which takes care of the stray dogs all around Phuket. Finally, a legitimate means to feed and smother the dogs around here. Kait, Lex, you know how I am, forcing the poor dogs to spoon me while I creepily declare my love for each and every one of them. And then, of course, demanding that they love me back... 'love me, love me!'
I'm sorry I didn't post in so long, but Mom, it doesn't mean I'm dead if I don't update my blog frequently. I'm fine- happy and (somewhat) healthy- so no need to worry.
p.s. Trainie. (ahem) You.... you light up my life....you light up my days...and fill my nights with song...(No one says it how it is like that Debbie Boone).
And Little Lise, keep on trucking and come back to Phuket!

Komodo Dragon

Wandering around the island 

The Racha